Wow, what an overwhelming month April was. I'm three years in to being a freelancer, and I am still not completely used to the ebbs and flows of the job. Rains/pours, etc. This past month - for the first time - I felt like maybe I wasn't spinning all of the plates as well as I have done in the past. Am I tired? Am I losing enthusiasm? I'm not sure. I hope not.
Around my birthday in mid-April I had four nosebleeds in 36 hours, one of which sent me to the ER to get my nose cauterized. That's a fun time right there. And now, just this past Tuesday I left my doctor's office with a diagnosis of "stress-induced shingles." (Shingles!)
I don't mean to be dramatic, here. These aren't life-threatening illnesses, and generally I am fine. But it feels like something is failing. It feels like I might be failing at ... something. And I'm not used to that feeling.
Well, then. What now? My wish for this month is exactly what's pictured here. I would like to do a little less flailing, and a lot more floating. I'd like to rediscover my love for how I make my living. (Surely I've just misplaced it somewhere, right? Just left it under a pile of papers, maybe?) This isn't a crossroads; this isn't the darkest before dawn moment. This is life, and it will continue to be so, unless I come at it from a different perspective.
It's a new month. Here we go.